although time seems to be flying, but only 1 month had gone. I believe i had sent out 5 letters to him over these 4 weeks.
Recently there is a show about this girl having to choose between 2 guys, which she kept contact in different manners. One by snail mail and the other by email. If you are the girl, who will you choose?
Although i didn't catch any episode of the show, but if i'm the girl, i'll choose the guy with snail mail. reason being i feel the love and the distance between 2 person drawing close when i see his handwriting. By looking at his handwriting, i can see the feeling that he has went writing that letter, when i see his handwriting, i feel that he's just beside me. When i see his handwriting, i can picture him right in my head.
Many at times we tend to take things for granted, and we never come to realise how much we need each other until we are seperated. This hols had made me think and reflected. Why did i choose OT? why did i try for the scholarship? why did i miss him so much even though communications are so easily available now? Until today, some answers to my own reflection are still unknown, and i never asked myself these qns until some one stop me and pulled me aside to ask me to reflect. Thank you for your concern and it had made me think and think again.
Until now, i still don't regret coming into this course, although you keep telling me that you got no hols like uni have. But i guess the uni doesn't enjoy as much as i can enjoy during class and with my coursemates.
Recently i'm looking forward to moving to my aunt's place,even if it's just temporary. It's really convinient for me if i can move to woodlands coz it'll allow me to reduce my travelling time, which i can't complain coz i have my dear fren staying in boon lay( even further than me). But travelling had really made me sick and tired of going home sometimes. and when i reach home, i'm so tired that i don't feel like facing the books anymore. And worst of all, my room is no longer a condusive environment for me to study anymore. Why do i say that?
In the past, my granny used to travel ard and not stay permenantly at my place. So i'm still quite comfortable with her sharing a room with me. But over the past yr, she had decided to stay permenantly at my place, in other words, share room with me everyday, including public hols (which is 24/7). This really makes me feel very awkward, especially when her bed is next to my study table. When she sleeps at the bed while i'm studying at my table, i always feel that she's looking at me. Maybe i'm just being paranoid, but i believe no one likes that feeling. And because it's dark when i don't turn both lights on when i study, but one of the lights shine directly above my granny's bed, and makes her unable to sleep when i study deep into the night. Then i compensated by turning that light off and switch on my table lamp, but because my table is next to the bed, it doesn't make much of a difference. My parents ask me not to be bothered by that, and my bf mother gave me a divider to seperate the light from shining over.i tot that is much better le. but she still continue to complain to my aunt about me making noise at late night and i really feel that i'm so restricted in my own house, own room.. Oh man, do i not have privacy or not even my own space to work, sleep and be happy and contented with.
So i needed a solution, i suggested that we move to the flat after the contract with my current tenant had end, but my family strongly disagree with that. Then i said, can i change room with my bro.He agreed so readily, but still he took back his words, what a man.thinking of this incident makes my blood boils. Why is my family not understanding my situation. do anyone of them wanna try it out for themselves. Y are my aunt and my granny so unreasonable. y don't they try to put themselves into my shoe and see how it feels.
So now, i'm looking for alternatives. at first my aunt(mom's side) said i can move to her place since she has spare room and my cousin is studying overseas currently. Then they took tat offer back by giving tons of excuses that even my mom can't accept them. So now i headed to my next plan, renting a room from my bf's fren(also my fren). 2 sisters staying in a flat at woodlands. walking distance from mrt, suits me almost perfectly. But i had to await for their reply before i head to my last resort, tat would be to move out to my bf's place and stay in his room until he comes home. i didn't plan for that actually but his parents offered, if that's my last resort i'll really consider tat, unless you got better suggestions for me.
This few days, i wasn't feeling well. at the bottom corner of my heart, there is this constant pain and i keep thinking of my bf. So many things had happened while he was gone, and everytime i just wish for him to be beside me, but without fail he will send someone to talk to me. Thanks dear, if there is no you in my life, i can't imagine if i'm happier or worst now.
Memories flow back when i started to flip the old photo albums. looking at all the events that we had together and the happy times we had together. i never remember as happy until now, i'm so foolish. i'm so crazy over you. And this 2 days, i miss you even more. We don't talk as much as we used to in the past, and everynight the topic nv fails to be comforting you coz you are feeling really stress. But sometimes, i just hope to talk about some happy and lightheartened things with you. Everyday, our conversation is the same, i'm not sick of it,but it makes me feel really tired and i just feel that i got no more strength for you, coz i had put in all the strength to support you, so much so that i got no more strength to let myself be strong anymore.
I don't know what i'm talking now, but i am love sick i guess. talking to you only makes me feel so near yet so far. Esp when we chat on msn and skype, it's even worse. seeing you on the webcam gives me the urge to get a ticket and fly immediately to be there with you. i wan to give you a hug but my hands are not long enough to reach. i don't know how long more we can go, but i really hope we can go on forever. i wish for sch to start so tat i can study with you again. i wish sch to start because only when sch start i can focus my mind again on my books and not miss you so much.
Everyday i past without you by my side, everyday seems to be like a never ending tunnel, when will i come to the end of the tunnel again. Dear, come home fast... i really miss you alot.
Let me support you all the way k. i miss your smile. jia you dear.
