squashed up!

it's tiring.
too tired to describe how i'm feeling.
all I can say is

I need a BREAK, badly.

I want to do alot of things, I wanna commit myself in alot of things.

But i dont have the confident to commit myself. I dont think i can handle all of them.

Exams coming in a barely 2 weeks time, but havent really started revision. Alot of things on hand,

so much so I can't handle them. Hard to process them now. Am I too late to start? Oh..

Believe in the Power of Prayers?

My grandfather had a blessing in disguise.

He tripped over the garden hose while watering the plants in one evening.

Had abrasion on his forehead and suffered from a broken nose.

But he's all well now, although still slow and careful in his movement, havent touch the garden hose ever since.

And more than that, everyone in the family is showing concern to him, everyone is paying him visit more often. And I'm glad that the family is showing him the care and concern, at least I know they still care.

That was one of my prayer to god. Now, I pray god to answer the rest of my prayers. Am I too greedy on that, but i'll just wait.

Keep working till I drop.

Ask God

Thanks Susan for forwarding this pIcture to me.

Oh God, tell me why. Does troubles shadow me only?

"Ask and it will be given, Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened for you"- Matthew 7:7.

Pray hard for me.

How do you feel

How do you feel looking at his picture?

It was as if, it's cold, and lonely. There are 2 seats there. But no one on it. How lonely. Even the girl walking past it, don't bother to look at it. How lonely, oh, lonely.

Sometimes you just feel like, people rush pass you, not caring about you. You wanted some attention, but not getting any. Like those chairs, you hope that people will come sit on it, give you some warm.

Maybe that's how i feel now. I feel like the chairs. In the open winter grounds, lost, cold and lonely.

Life hasn't been better.

I just wonder, why is life so complicated. People in my life are funny people. I can't seem to understand how they think. Basically they dont think like me. When i said something, I do not have a double meaning to my words. But why do they often interpret it otherwise? I didn't even thought of that.

Yesterday, spent the whole day with my FYP(Final Year Project) Team, trying to come up with our research proposal. I like my topic, but it's rather a tough one.
And i got to celebrate Chelsea with her in GV Plaza, catching Ocean 13 at a low rate of only 5 Bucks. Chelsea said, my blood was worth it.
My blood cost more than $5 ok. haha.

Went to the dentist in the morning, did something to my tooth, and then felt unwell in noon, so i slept thru till the evening. Then i tried to do some work.

Maybe it's because i felt that i had wasted too much time sleeping that's why i'm feeling so lost and frantic.

It's right to say that I need more than 24 hours, but it's also right that Abi said, we only painted 12 hours on our clock and we already multiply it by 2. So i shall not be greedy and make full use of my 24 Hours.

I must accomplish what i set to do, and I must graduate to become a good therapist.

Put some sunlight out to melt those Ice pls.

H.E.C.T.I.C.

it's been a busy week. busy with what? I'm not sure either.

School, School, School. and more school.

School work has now officially occupied my sunday too. oh that sad.

Misses church service for the pass 3 weeks. I told them i was hiding in the cave. haha.

I had no time, seriously. Still trying to catch up with all the literature readings, more refining of the presentation slides and now, still brainstorming about the role play.

Afternoon had more discussion about my paediatrics module. We need to plan a treatment session for the kid, who is diagnosed as ADHD. it was exciting, just as we talk about it, we got confused then got clearer and then got confused again. haha.. but overall, everything went on well in today's discussion..

I can't wait for holiday on thursday. and yesterday was a waste.

Intention to visit the history museum with my family(including my grandfather), i thought bringing him back to living in the 70's would bring back lots of memory. But in the end we didn't make it to turn back time. But i bought my grandfather to explore a new dim sum restaurant in Marina Sq, food was just fair, and expensive. Then i bought him to Central @ clark quay to shop. haha...

Soaking him in the GSS atmosphere was kinda fun. Enjoying Ya kun toast with a cup of coffee.. Chit chating was fun too. I hope to have more of such outings with him. hope he enjoyed himself.

Talking about him, i hope my cousins and aunties would come to visit him more often. Since chinese new year, i had not most of my cousins coming to visit grandfather. And I wonder why. Are they really so busy that they can't even spare a sunday once a month to visit him.

He needs not only love from my family, but his other children too you know. Don't regret only when one is not around, cherish him while he's still by your side. I already learnt my lesson. I miss my grandma. I really wanna tell her alot. alot that is always stucked at the throat just because we are not the kinda family that will express our loves outwardly to one another.

I repented. That's why i made a promise to myself to spend more time with grandfather now.
What about the rest in the family.

Grandfather's health is deteriorating. I can finally see him growing old. I can feel it.
From him, I see how Occupational Therapy philosophy holds so true.
Only when you are doing an occupation, you are a being.
Due to his inactivity, he's growing old, more health issue surfacing.

I admire my grandfather, and i pray that my dad can grow old like my grandfather. Old but still strong. Independent in all ADLs, minimum assistance in community mobility. That's why i admire him.

Updates

It's coming to the end of the 8th week of school. June is here! that reminded me that 1/2 a year had slipped pass me.

Times flies, Kenrick will be coming back in mid-end July. That's fast. And he'll be a Degree holder by that time. And me, still a diploma student.

In the 8 weeks of school, life had been hectic, i should even be using the word "mad".
Life was totally chaotic. And Luck is definitely down on me since school started.
Prayers are not really working as well. Or maybe i should say, it only works 50% of the time.

Ever since FYP began, it was a chaotic life that I had. Staying back in school till 8 or 9 has become a norm for everyone.
Then everyone is rushing around for different meetings, and sometimes you think can i have 2 meetings at one time? sometimes i have to even lie that I'm on my way while I'm still in the midst of another meeting in one corner of the school.

My manager told my friend, if you can pass the course, you are up to face any crisis or challenges in life. Because our course is all encompassing. It drains you physically, mentally and even psychosocial. Let me explain.

First of all, you thought once you get out of school(at least after 18), no more NAPFA right. Oh gosh, we were told to take napfa this year so that we can graduate. Traumatised!!!
Then lecture is not the same like JC, you thought JC prepared you for tertiary right? Oh my tertiary was definitely different, my cohort only 34 of us. We don't see in auditoriums or lecture theater. We go into what we call Lecture Room, basically it's like a tutorial Classroom. Haha.. that's how well all lecturers know all the students and how the students knows all the lecturers too. So Lecturer is no longer like JC for me, where i can sit right at the end of the auditorium with the Swiss monks, and the BBall boys.. you can choose to pay attention, snack, or just turn off. Yes, we, at least me was prone of doing all these in JC.
But now, I think i'm even more hardworking, visiting the library more often than i visit the toilet(ok some exaggeration). I flip reference text more often than I flip the magazine. In class, you have to be wide awake, no slacking, no switching off, cos if you do, you'll be lost for the whole semester. Practical class is no more about pouring chemicals, calculating the no. of moles. Or connecting up the wires into parallel or series.
You get onto the cycle ergonometer, you do dips to measure your Volume of O2 consumption. You test your own body limits. (one tutorial still requires us to revisit our forces and torques though, and i thought i re-lived my JC days) and you do stretches, you do muscle facilitation, you do edema massage. Oh my god.tutor always speaks like a bullet train and with circular breathing, so your brain can't control your hands to take down all notes that she said so.. you see everyone walks out of the class like a zombie.
Lastly, the exciting thing is i was shortlisted for an overseas attachment. Although when i said out the country you all will think 'chey'. But to me, it's a life experience. Different in culture, different type of resources available. Different systems, different belief. I like the challenge. But still, i was just shortlisted, not confirm yet. Oh anyway it's a autism resource center in penang! dream of working with Kids again makes me smile. But I wish i can go for the nearer one instead of waiting till nxt Jan, cos i prefer the company of pple going this july!!!! Whatever it is, I'm still putting my faith in god, i'm praying hard that he'll listen to me and answer my prayers.

Why did i talk about psychosocial.. I guess the course and change the perception of self. Who I am, what I can do for the society.. I had changed me. Most importantly, it had taken up so much time of my present life that I'm missing church for 3 wks(totally guilty about that), changing dates with my friends so often that we dont have the chance to meet up even though i desperately wants to. And I who promised my previous clinical supervisor that i'll go back to the center when i'm free. but i haven't done so yet.

So many things to do, with so little time.
I can give myself a deficit now, I have problem with Time-management!

haha.. Ok back to my FYP stuff now. That's my life.

Random

I just have to say this..

I
want a Break!

ok, heading back to more research and more work to be completed.

Peggy and Jasmine, We still have a movie date ok.

And Phpps peeps, we still have our supper date.

Life like Roller Coaster

It was a fast and furious changing life this week.

The only constant is change. How true.

Suddenly my classmate wanted to quite the course, and then nxt day i'm glad he's back with us again.

When I thought things look on the right track and going smooth, I didn't had motivation to work on it anymore.

It was scary how I think about just stopping work and take time to reflect about life again.

Am I in the right profession?

But at the end of the week, I got the drive to work again. Prayers were answered. I got my strength again.

Now things are hopefully and seemingly back on track.

Just keep it like that. This what I pray for, now and forever.

Unspoken Truth

When one day you felt neglected by the one you always want attention from, then take a step back. Have you already neglected the other loved ones around YOU?

Exactly, they feel that you had neglected them, forgotten about them. And consequently, we start to drift apart.

Everything in this world happens for a reason, and create a reason for the other things to happen. Just like a chemical reaction, one leads to the other. And Consequently, all this happenings turn back on you again.

I asked if it's ok to feel unprivilaged after being together for a long long time? Is it ok to feel that you don't deserve all the love and care from the person you thought of spending the rest of your life together?
Is it ok to just accept what things had become to be and leave it as it is? Or work harder for what you want to happen?

As I proceed into my last year of Dip study, you tend to do more reflection on action because you wanna start reflecting in action after you graduate. haha.. It might sound difficult, but a Good therapist should be able to do that, I think.

As god's words is speaking to me each day, I feel 'hope' and 'prayers' working.

BACK in School

Yes, as my friends finish up their exams, go for holidays, go for intership, go for exchange.. i'm back in school..

Last Lap of School..

Ask if i'm sian.. erm.. alittle..
Dread school... for the first time, yah!

But i'm changing.. i'm loving play and school module.haha.
and i'm going to crash a childcare center and play with the children.. haha.. i'm loving it.

ok. for friends who still didn't know that i'm back.. i was back like 2 weeks ago. so you all can start having your gatherings and ask me along.haha..


Finally quote of the day:

“God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons we could not learn in any other way. The way we learn those lessons is not to deny the feelings but to find the meanings underlying them.”
-Stanley Lindquist

Fraser Island

Easter Weekend

Still in Brisbane,

On Good Friday, I got the intention to attend the Salv Army church service over here.But was abit lazy to get out of house. So stay home the whole day as the rest visited the MovieWorld. According to them, no more diff, except 2 additional new rides called 'Superman' and 'Batman'.

So what did i do the whole day. Tried out some new dish, buttered mushrooms with Basa Freshwater Filet. Also tried T-bone Steak for dinner. It was nice, easy to prepare and easy to cook.haha.. Had intention to go running by the river again, but it showered in the afternoon. So I spent the rest of the time checking his tutorial and helping him with his assignment.

On Easter Saturday, Went out to Harbourtown early in the morning. Shopped at the factory outlets of Adiddas, Nike, Esprit, Converse, and many other more. Walked around had Kebab for lunch and continued walking around shopping for more clothes. CAn't find a nice bikini for zhen nor a nice heels for crystal. So I just continued walking around.

After that, travelled down to Surfers Paradise, went to the beach, had photos and saw at the beach. Then we had a hot choco from Starbucks cos it was chill windy today. finally shopped around more and proceed for dinner at a Jap Restaurant. Portion was good and it said on the menu, Perfect Satisfaction. Indeed so.. haha

Now, time for pictures....

Touring Brisbane

Arrive at 7 in the morning, however because Kenrick lost his way to the airport, i had to wait for him until around 8 plus before he picks me up from the airport.

Weather is just fine here. Nice breezy weather.

By the time i arrive at his place, i was just too exhuasted cos i didn't sleep on the plane. Busy entertaining myself with Flushed away and happy feet. Played nintendo on the plane too.

Just rest for that day cos i was too tired and he was busy with his work.So we didn't go out.But anyway i was having fun snapping silly photos in the house.

On Friday, I went to Southbank, one of the suburb of Brisbane, where Griffith Uni is located, and there was a queensland art performance center there.(Just opp the city). I went to the beach to get some sun, and witness 2 boys fighting. Haha.. It was a Chinese and an australian fighting. Of cos i was hoping the chinese will win.Haha..




Bought Fish and Chips back for kenrick who was busy mugging at home for his mid-sem exam to reward him.. and the chips were too much that he saved them for supper.

Today visited the weekend by the river market in west end, where pple can cheap veg, seafood and some plants and flowers. so i snapped photos along the way again and helped him with some grocery.


Went jogging by the Brisbane river today, it was far and tiring but i enjoyed the jog.

Bored while waiting for kenrick

Fish & Chips from Decks

West End Market

NEGATIVITY

You know how sometimes you just wanna check out your friend's blog to see how they are doing, because you felt so ashame that you have not been catching up with them after such a long time, with all the excuses that you are busy to shoo your friend away. I think i'm one of them.

After flipping thru the blogs of my friends, all i can say is everyone seems to be having different times of the year. Some are happy, some are sad. Some are just waiting for their happy moments to come, while some are foreseeing their sad moment arriving.

All i can say is i'm guilty of neglecting my friends for the past 2 years. All the time, i had been using busy with school as an excuse to turn down meetings with my friends. But the fact was I spent most of the time at home, not all the time mugging. I also can't remember when was the last time I did something meaningful.

Today i read about the problems that my friends are facing, then it made me realise that my problem which i thought was the end of the word is so minute compared to the problems that my friends are facing. And why am I making a big fuss out of small things. Am I just not aware how fortunate I already am compared to many others.

From this attachment I had really learnt alot, and had totally changed my perspective about life. How fragile life can be, how a fever and a insensitive person can change the whole life of a little innocent one. How things can change overnight, or even how much hard work can really change fate.

Although Kenrick had returned to australia to complete his last semester of studies, i still miss him, and of cos i still hate to look at his backview leaving me further and further away. But what is that compared someone not being able to withstand a long distance relationship. I should be considered lucky right.

Although I know grandpa's health is deteriorating, but he's still smily, going out everyday on his two own feet, and what is that compared to my friend who's grandfather not able to walk on his own anymore. I should be glad that god had been blessing us right, even though i lost my grandma just a few months ago.

Some nights i still miss grandma. For the past 2 days i was on MC due to a virus attack. Coughing, sneezing through out the night. Then grandma was the person i thought of when i woke up in the middle of the night. She used to be the one coughing thru the night when i was sharing the same room with her. Now i kinda miss her cough. When i'm ill, she'll definitely asked me if i'm feeling better alr. She was the one who will wake up in the middle of the night, make sure my blanket is on and turn off the aircon if it's too cold. But I'm so ashamed of myself, I never said thanks to her before.

Being sick let me reflect alot on myself, being on this attachment let me reflect alot about life. Being alone in this world, make me realise how important friends are. Being afraid of loniless makes me wanna find my friends again.

So dear friends, can I be your friend again?

HAPPY and CONTENTED

After the last birthday celebration.

I started my attachment on monday.

Early intervention programme for infants and children.

Don't worry. I haven't jump course to Early childhood, still an OT student.

Basically, now i see children everyday. 7 days in a week.

Monday to Friday, children from the center, cheerily and bubbly, some teary and clumsy.

Saturday, active children in gym, have his own character and never able to manipulate him into my way.

Sunday, that smartie monster, natnat, who just can't stop talking or even sit down quietly unless she's eating. And even so she still need to talk when she's eating.

That's my life for the next 6 weeks. Even though it's only the beginning, i'm hoping that this can last forever.

I can understand how the mother feels so heart pain when they hear their precious child cries...

Sometimes, i admire mother who let their child continue with therapy even though the child is alr crying her lungs out.

But at the end of the day, it all pays off..

Cos you just earn a simple, innocent smile from the child.

That makes all the pain go away.

Today, that child who cried in session, said 'byebye' to me, and gave me a nice big smile (i can even see her teeth).

Life is just so Simple!! life is just so Beautiful like James Blunt had sang it.

I'm loving it.

it's been a long time

Finally, i'm posting again..

Haven't got a time to breath since school started again just about 4 weeks ago.

I just can't believe how time just zoom past us these days.

Next week i'll be back on attachment again, and this time i'll be facing the kids.

Not that I dont like them. But what if they dont like me? haha

Anyway I'm all ready for the challange ahead to be in the Paedatrics setting alone.

Today is the start of my study week..

So many things going thru my mind, so difficult to settle down to study.

As i celebrate my friend's 21st birthday, as I finished my semester last week, as the lecturers summed up the lecture..

I just start to define my path/future again.

Why am I in the case i'm?

Looking as the seniors graduating in April/May, and thinking that i'll be my turn next. I wonder where will i be heading to?

Who will I become after the 3 years of life-changing learning experience?

Lotsa questions, but hard to answer.

As i looked back upon what I had accomplished so far, the places that I had been to, the pple I had met, the lifes I had changed (Regardless better or worst, i dont know myself either), am i a changed person now.

As i gathered with my pri school mates, looking back at the silly times when we do silly things, and now where everyone had turned mature with a different thinking and principles about their life. Are we still the same?

The only constant is change, what an irony, I that what life's all about.

Random thoughts.. incoherent thoughts.. Must be the lecture on spirituality, the best practice service for palliative care and the book 'tuesday with morrie' that is making me reflect so hard.

Time to hit the books again.
and just let me live with my feelings this time, without thinking.

Can life be like a bed of roses?

I just hates it when it comes to quarrel.

Sometimes i really dont want to be the one to say sorry.

Sometimes i also dont think i'm at fault, not saying that someone else is the one at fault either.

But why is it that there should be disagreement.

Can't 2 unlike be together. like pple say the opposite attracts?

i'm tired with all the disagreement and discussion to come to a agreement.

GOD I WANT YOUR STRENGTH.

it's over!

2 wks of hols is finally coming to an end. I can smell the book again.

this 2 wks had been a really busy and tiring and at the sametime, fun but yet some parts are disgusting time for me.

Recap of all i had done:

- met up with my 2 JC class mates.
But then sad to say i didn't meet with Peggy and Jasmine.
Hey Peggy, your bday is next sat right? happy birthday. hope can meet you.

- went out with my classmates for movie
watched John tucker must die and You, me and Dupree.
But havent catch Rob-B-Hood with my mom.
Anyway brought some dvds back so can watch with him when he returns.

- went for photography trip.
Erm went to Clark Quary before attachment and beach Road during this 2 wks.
but haze spoils the photo.so didn't take much picture. Discovered a cool place though.

- drove into JB for the first time.
cool and fun. No hiccups and i returned safely to singapore at the end of the day. Of cos i didnt went in alone. But i dont know if i got the chance to do it again or not.

-started teaching a O level kid who's tking his Os this yr.
the boy is ok, willing to learn.But i only have a month left. He should be able to pass,but i dont know if he can do really well.

IF you have realised, everything i listed there had it's good and always end with a BUT. Why is it that pple are like that. Nv satisfied with what they had alr done and achieved. Always want only the more, the better, and sometimes even the BEST.

I want to learn to be satisfied with what i'm given.

Psalm 27

The Lord is my light and my salvation -

whom shall I fear?

The Lord is the stronghold of my life -

of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh,

when my enermies and my foes attack me,

they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear;

though war break out against me, even then will I be confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord,

that is what i seek:

that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,

to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling;

he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted above the enermies who surround me;

at the tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;

I will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;

be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "Seek his face" Your face, Lord, I will seek.

Do not hide your face from me, do not turn your servant away in anger;

you have been my helper.

Do not reject me or forsake me, O God my Savior.

Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me.

Teach me your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path

because of my oppressors.

Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes, for false witnesses rise up against me,

breathing out violence.

I am still confident of this:

I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart

and wait for the Lord.

Amen.

Amazing Grace. Love the Lord.

Congrats! Uncle got out of ICU today. He's now back at the general ward.

Progressing well, and road of recovery is smooth for him. Seems like prayers are working.

We prayed really really hard.

Now i can go kayaking with a peaceful heart. i'll visit him again later in the evening before meeting my pri sch mate later in the night.

Thanks Yuli for hosting us at her house, and Chunrui for that horror but funny when watched it with Sarah & Yuli dvd.. if can lend me the show again so that i can watch it with really horror.. haha

ok.. just wanna give thanks to the Lord and praise him for his guidance and strength.

Continue to work in the prayers and keep close to him.

Follow the light.

Give Thanks.

It's Amazing Grace!

Life is getting beautiful again each day.

Just wanna remind all who are ill and weak, recovery is not instant, continue to work on it.

Life is so vulnerable...

Driving around Singapore like a mad dog..

i had never been so familiar with CTE... and today i used it 3 times. incredible.

Traveled down to the hospital, then back to sch. Back to Mhss to visit my teachers.. and then back to the AMK yuli's house then back to hospital again.

Wow.. busy schedule, and it's back to back somemore.

Why i say life is so vulnerable?

Cos we never know what will happen to us in the next moment. As i joy over my results of the practical exams, i wish i can share it with him (uncle and kenrick).But both are now ill.. I don't know if my results will make them feel better though.

I knew negative things will start coming out of his mouth, when he merely commented that mobility is the most important in my life.

But how can i just let that comment pass me by. I should have said something encouraging right.

Right after i left the room, i know he started sharing negative thoughts with aunt. So insensitively i walked back into the room awhile later, i noticed something wasn't right, but nothing came out of my mouth. I don't know what i could say too..

Because he hasn't been moving for almost 48hrs. his fingers are swelling abit. But thanks to the occupational therapist who prescribed the anti-embolism stocking to him, the legs were fine. Hence i started to message his hands and help him with abit of finger exercise to lessen the swell.

All i wanted to say is immobility is only temporary. He'll soon be out and walking. He even said to me, i'll jog with you and train you for your 10k marathon. Just wait and see.

Where had that spirit gone? where is it? let's find it back ok?

On the other side of my mind, i had to start reading up on my clinicals stuff.. Next monday, i will not be visiting uncle until i end work at 5.45pm. and then i'll go home and continue mugging. I can foresee my life to be like tat until his discharge.

Ok, we just learn different lessons everyday, be it new or relearn things we had once learnt, or even learning new things from what we had learnt. Lessons are never the same, and everyday we live differently. So treasure and cherish everyday and every love one around you.

God loves his children.