hohoho... today, i received my first birthday card. from uncle eric.. thanks.and this year the card is nice. every year he sends a different card and usually they are very special..

before sch start

haha... went for morning service today, then had lunch with hannah, chelsea and another friend from church. After that went to meet my bruddy who came back from india training.. and he still got the cheek to be late for more than 1/2 hr. then we saw my long lost junior kok and his girlfriend shopping around town.. Went to borders cos my rich bruddy wanna buy ipod nano... and then to be sorry for being late, treated me to a cup of hot chocolate and we talked and chit chat... and i got tired so wanna come home and rest and also wanna accompany my dear who's home alone the whole day and feeling all so lonely in brisbane... but i can't help much so come home and 'accompany' him online..

going to take a nap now..Bye.

All ready to return to sch. I bought the diary and pencil case from borders. The pencil case cost me $10bucks and i like it.. quite ok la..been looking for a new pencil case for a long time, the old one is a big too big and dirty liao.

ciao...

My God's Sent Angel

This is my cutee-pie sent from god to brighten up my day!

boRed

Justing thinking if i can be there...Life should be wonderful and beautiful...

JimmY

ok.. nothing really much, blogging is regular only during my hols, but sch is gng to start next monday and the new sem timetable is ouT... i must say, it's just so horrible...
it'll be hell much busier than the last sem. but i think i'm pretty excited abt sch,but the worrying thing is that i think i'll be very lost in class..

Flipping thru Gray's Anatomy for Student txt today, and realise i had returned alot of anatomy back to Ravi.. how?
Remembering the last day of my exam, we met our manager Hua Beng who reminded us and scared us with a prelude of how Yr 2 life will be like and even reminded us to retain 5% of our role as a student role.. i guess i had almost 100% resign myself to a slacker role during the hols. So this last wk of hols, i'm trying to make up that 5% of my student role, hope i can make it before sch start, otherwise i forget that i'll have double amt of work more to do!!! argh.....

Other than flipping that txt, i went out for dinner with my mom and my sis, there was this popular clearance sale i think and so i saw this book tat i think i should try picking up...
At the start of the hols, i was reading Dave Pelzer's A man named Dave. then i'm almost completing it when i stop to play sims2, and sims2 conquered my life... haha..

Then next was VCDs and it killed my living cells reminding in my body, so i started to go running around my estate every evening.. then now.... i'm trying to regain my student role so i'm flipping txtbk.

anyway i saw this book which i said i'll pick it up.coz i realise my chinese is getting suckier and suckier and so before it all gone to nothing, i'll start to refresh it again. It's a comic book by Jimmy (you know the comic artist who did the turn left,turn right movie) and there were few chinese words here and there.. so i decided i'll read it at my free time.. keke..

And this is the book....

Anyway yesterday my daddy was so generous to give my bro a farewell dinner before he goes to taiwan for his army training, and he brought us to BoonLay Restuarant and had each a bowl of fins...( i showed this picture to kenrick and he said, what the ... is that orange soup?)

zhen says he's cute. Really?


Hang out at Esplanade, watched an outdoor performance @ On the Waterfront


This is Zhen and Me


just finished my mee soto at Lido


Met Peggy at KAP coz she's preparing for exam( oh, poorthing! )

<>

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The Straits Times, Saturday, 8 April 2006.
Take a look at it when you are free, both educational and refreshing.

As i was flipping thru the papers this morning, i read the SATURDAY edition with care, 'cos they were talking about pallitative care, i.e. hospice care.
As i had learnt Lifespan n lifestyle development as 1 of my modules in the last sem, i got interested as the reporters reported about hospice in Singapore.
I thought this is rather educational for those who had not heard about hospice care, or didn't have the right info about hospice services.In the special report, they interviews staff in hospice care, patients, family members and even volunteers who helped out in hospice. It gave an better insight of what hospice helps this patients.. and it highlighted many points that we had missed out.
Firstly, hospice is not only for patients who are terminally ill, and definitely patients in hospice do not just wait till that day come in the hospice. Many care and support were given to these patients and family members.
In fact, 1 in 4 hospice patients walks out alive and gets to die at home.(The straits time, 2006).
In hospice, they provide pallitative care, which are not just simply medical needs, but also tend to the psychosocial, spiritual and emotional needs of the patients. They ensure that patients die in comfort and not unnecessary pain.
Next, hospice is not really a sad place to end up with, coz if you are a bacholar with no family members to take care of you when you are ill, that's a gd place that you can go, coz the staff there are caring and tries to fulfil your last wishes.( i sound like i'm promoting hospice)
"When death is inevitable and we know we can't add days to their life, we try to add life to their days." -Dr Noreen Chan, medical director of Dover Park Hospice, (The Straits Time, 2006)
It's so exciting to find out that there are many programs and events organised for these patients and some who gets better get a chance to go on outing at the zoo, or even to sentosa. Who says the only thing that the terminally ill does is to wait for the heaven gate to open.
Lastly, in one of the interview with a bedridden man who learnt how to walk in the hospice and now are back home already. Wow, it's an achievement for both the staff and the patient, and i'm proud of them.
I guess it's time for us to change our view about hospice care, and in fact we should be supportive of such services in singapore. What's more important to die in comfort and with no regrets.
What is death when you have no regrets and pain. I guess hospice is also a great place for us to learn about death and how we can overcome our fear of death and the different perspective of death. Late adulthood.... that's how it ends.
" Death in itself is not a tragedy. With every passing moment, each of us is closer to death. But if a patient dies unhappy and in pain, if families are left unsupported during this difficult period, that would be a tragedy. " - Dr Noreen Chan, medical director of Dover Park Hospice, (The Straits Time, 2006)

5th april 06

Can Life be Simple Again?
Can Life be Beautiful again?
Who can i trust now?

Dear, today is a special day, but we can't be together. Although i know you are suffering, but i know you didn't forget this day.Thank you for giving such an unbelievable chapter in my life.

曲名：雨人 歌手：周华健

好像就从那一个夜晚开始

下起雨一直没有放过晴

我勾着那把伞

漂浮在人群里

慢慢的以为身边还有你

小气的用着那些你的记忆

一点点就够我看到彩虹

全世界的颜色

全留在你那里

我只有不断一直淋着雨

我相信我爱你

蒙上眼手交给你

慢慢的安心在黑暗中

共有一双眼睛

我要不断的爱你

不断拼凑了自已

生命中所以好不好的过去

仿佛都在等我遇见你

-+= 祝天下有情人找到真爱！=+-

i can't find a reason to cry

life is just so torturous.. it's a toying of one's feeling.
it's about giving one hope,but putting it down easily too.
life can be so simple, but we can see it as a very complex thing too.
A pair of lover, going thru thick and thin together,but at the end they are seperated by a simple thing call love.
it's not easy to be in love, but it's even harder to give love. When you are so far apart, you promised that nothing will pull us about, but we just drifted away from each other everyday.Why is it so? what's that physics or chemistry behind this?
Another hope is gone, and now left with the last choice, not that i'm not happy that there is at least one last choice, but it's not a really gd choice either. What will pple say, what will my parents say?
Do i really have to care about what they say? or can i just care about how i feel?
I used to cry because i have so many reasons to cry, but today, i just can't find a reason to cry when i feel like crying out.
Suffering is part of everybodies life, but why is mine seem nv to come to an end.
i just wanna shout my misery out, just wanna cry my lungs out, and cry till my tear glands dry, but i got no reason to cry.
i want a simple life.

我要快乐

歌手: 张惠妹

又被爱伤了一遍

无所谓当作成长

刚刚走开的人

烟还点着味道却淡了

我并不是天生爱寂寞

却比任何人都多

就算把世界给我

我还是一无所有

我要快乐我要能睡的安稳

有些人不抱了才温暖

离开了才不恨我早应该割舍

我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声

心不是热的全都是假的

只有眼泪是真的

把从前想了一遍

谢谢了伤我的人

想做乐观的人

每种雨声听了都不冷

我并不是天生爱寂寞

却比任何人都多

就算把世界给我

我还是一无所有

我要快乐我要能睡的安稳

有些人不抱了才温暖

离开了才不恨我早应该割舍

我要快乐哪怕笑的再大声

心不是热的全都是假的

我的决定是对的

To see the chinese characters, go to [view] -> [encoding] -> [unicode (UTF-8)].

Recently i heard this while i was driving, and i really like ah-mei song, i think this songs kinda speak my heart out.listen to it if you have the chance to. i love ah-mei's voice.

come home fast

although time seems to be flying, but only 1 month had gone. I believe i had sent out 5 letters to him over these 4 weeks.
Recently there is a show about this girl having to choose between 2 guys, which she kept contact in different manners. One by snail mail and the other by email. If you are the girl, who will you choose?
Although i didn't catch any episode of the show, but if i'm the girl, i'll choose the guy with snail mail. reason being i feel the love and the distance between 2 person drawing close when i see his handwriting. By looking at his handwriting, i can see the feeling that he has went writing that letter, when i see his handwriting, i feel that he's just beside me. When i see his handwriting, i can picture him right in my head.
Many at times we tend to take things for granted, and we never come to realise how much we need each other until we are seperated. This hols had made me think and reflected. Why did i choose OT? why did i try for the scholarship? why did i miss him so much even though communications are so easily available now? Until today, some answers to my own reflection are still unknown, and i never asked myself these qns until some one stop me and pulled me aside to ask me to reflect. Thank you for your concern and it had made me think and think again.
Until now, i still don't regret coming into this course, although you keep telling me that you got no hols like uni have. But i guess the uni doesn't enjoy as much as i can enjoy during class and with my coursemates.
Recently i'm looking forward to moving to my aunt's place,even if it's just temporary. It's really convinient for me if i can move to woodlands coz it'll allow me to reduce my travelling time, which i can't complain coz i have my dear fren staying in boon lay( even further than me). But travelling had really made me sick and tired of going home sometimes. and when i reach home, i'm so tired that i don't feel like facing the books anymore. And worst of all, my room is no longer a condusive environment for me to study anymore. Why do i say that?
In the past, my granny used to travel ard and not stay permenantly at my place. So i'm still quite comfortable with her sharing a room with me. But over the past yr, she had decided to stay permenantly at my place, in other words, share room with me everyday, including public hols (which is 24/7). This really makes me feel very awkward, especially when her bed is next to my study table. When she sleeps at the bed while i'm studying at my table, i always feel that she's looking at me. Maybe i'm just being paranoid, but i believe no one likes that feeling. And because it's dark when i don't turn both lights on when i study, but one of the lights shine directly above my granny's bed, and makes her unable to sleep when i study deep into the night. Then i compensated by turning that light off and switch on my table lamp, but because my table is next to the bed, it doesn't make much of a difference. My parents ask me not to be bothered by that, and my bf mother gave me a divider to seperate the light from shining over.i tot that is much better le. but she still continue to complain to my aunt about me making noise at late night and i really feel that i'm so restricted in my own house, own room.. Oh man, do i not have privacy or not even my own space to work, sleep and be happy and contented with.
So i needed a solution, i suggested that we move to the flat after the contract with my current tenant had end, but my family strongly disagree with that. Then i said, can i change room with my bro.He agreed so readily, but still he took back his words, what a man.thinking of this incident makes my blood boils. Why is my family not understanding my situation. do anyone of them wanna try it out for themselves. Y are my aunt and my granny so unreasonable. y don't they try to put themselves into my shoe and see how it feels.
So now, i'm looking for alternatives. at first my aunt(mom's side) said i can move to her place since she has spare room and my cousin is studying overseas currently. Then they took tat offer back by giving tons of excuses that even my mom can't accept them. So now i headed to my next plan, renting a room from my bf's fren(also my fren). 2 sisters staying in a flat at woodlands. walking distance from mrt, suits me almost perfectly. But i had to await for their reply before i head to my last resort, tat would be to move out to my bf's place and stay in his room until he comes home. i didn't plan for that actually but his parents offered, if that's my last resort i'll really consider tat, unless you got better suggestions for me.
This few days, i wasn't feeling well. at the bottom corner of my heart, there is this constant pain and i keep thinking of my bf. So many things had happened while he was gone, and everytime i just wish for him to be beside me, but without fail he will send someone to talk to me. Thanks dear, if there is no you in my life, i can't imagine if i'm happier or worst now.
Memories flow back when i started to flip the old photo albums. looking at all the events that we had together and the happy times we had together. i never remember as happy until now, i'm so foolish. i'm so crazy over you. And this 2 days, i miss you even more. We don't talk as much as we used to in the past, and everynight the topic nv fails to be comforting you coz you are feeling really stress. But sometimes, i just hope to talk about some happy and lightheartened things with you. Everyday, our conversation is the same, i'm not sick of it,but it makes me feel really tired and i just feel that i got no more strength for you, coz i had put in all the strength to support you, so much so that i got no more strength to let myself be strong anymore.
I don't know what i'm talking now, but i am love sick i guess. talking to you only makes me feel so near yet so far. Esp when we chat on msn and skype, it's even worse. seeing you on the webcam gives me the urge to get a ticket and fly immediately to be there with you. i wan to give you a hug but my hands are not long enough to reach. i don't know how long more we can go, but i really hope we can go on forever. i wish for sch to start so tat i can study with you again. i wish sch to start because only when sch start i can focus my mind again on my books and not miss you so much.
Everyday i past without you by my side, everyday seems to be like a never ending tunnel, when will i come to the end of the tunnel again. Dear, come home fast... i really miss you alot.

Let me support you all the way k. i miss your smile. jia you dear.

i dunno

This is posted specially for you.

Maybe i had said things that i should not have said, maybe i had hurt you more than anyone else had ever done unto you. Maybe i should just shut up and just absorb everything you said like a sponge.Maybe i should not be here at all.

Sometimes i just don't know, what had gone over me? is my life just gng downslope from now onwards? where is my power of motivation? is it not working on you anymore? am i so not understanding and unable to feel as you suffer? where is that piece of love for you?

Everynight, i hope that we can talk about something different, but i just realise that as the days go by, the topic is just restricted to why you are suffering and why not others but you? i told you that i understand that you are very stressed up with your school work and i know it's not easy to be independent especially when you got everything taken care of when you are here. And you said i'll never understand coz i nv experience it before. ( this really hurts) am i so useless that even now, the things i said, you can't even be bothered coz you are too involved in being hurt and hurting yourself even more?

I really don't know what i should do? i really don't know if i am still able to carry on? i'm trying very hard not to give you anymore trouble. but everytime when i have a problem, you are the first one i think of.No matter good or bad, you are always the first one that i want to share that piece of news with. You said you are always there to encourage me when i have a problem (are you telling me that i nv do that for you)

i'm willing to say sorry if that's what you want to hear from me, lastly, no matter how much i said to hurt you, i just want you to be that determined and strong guy that i fall in love with, now i'm searching for him. pls ask him back.

Lastly, i still love you.gd night.The smile is missing in every picture.can you see it?

This is my prayer for all of us tonight:

Answer me when i call to you, O my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer. Psalm 4:1

Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing.

Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you i pray. Psalm 5:1-2

Dear lord, pls help those who are suffering, regardless of the quality of life or from the illness, help those who are unable to cry to you.Help those who had cried to you and those who had spoken to you.Hope those who are eagerly waiting for a response each day, and lastly help everyone who walks in your light. Amen.

Let's talk about LOVE

In God's word, he said,


Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourself.
Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Share with God's people who are in need. Practice hospitality.
Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.
Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.
Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody.
If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.
Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; i will repay," says the Lord.
On the contrary: "If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head."
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
-Roman 12 : 9-21.

Do all the brothers and sisters understand this passage. Let's shower our love this month. thank god.

Happy Together!

Imagine me and you,

I doI think about you day and night, it's only right

To think about the girl you love and hold her tight

So happy together

If I should call you up, invest a dime

And you say you belong to me and ease my mind

Imagine how the world could be, so very fine

So happy together

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you

For all my life

When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue

For all my life

If I should call you up, invest a dime (Call you up)

And you say you belong to me and ease my mind (Ease my mind)

Imagine how the world could be, so very fine (Very fine)

So happy together (together)

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you

For all my life

When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue

For all my life [x2]

About my life (Yeah!)

Call you up

Ease my mind, Ease my mind, Ease my mind!

I can't see me lovin' nobody but you

For all my life

When you're with me, baby the skies'll be blue

For all my life [x2]Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba

So happy together (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)

So happy together (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)

So happy together (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)

So happy together (Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)

Thank you friends, you all are just too wonderful.

misery

Viking or roller coaster? which is most suitable to describe my life now?

I guess it's Viking, at least i know there are times when roller coaster travel straight right.
My mood swings like the Vike, and i am feeling totally lost, lost in the battle, lost in direction, lost my self-esteem too. It had been a exciting 2 wks of hols, and in fact,i'm looking forward to more,but then it seems like it's time i come to a stop.

After looking at my results today, tears flooded the table in front of me. I don't know whether i'm dissapointed or full of regrets,but i must say i really tried my best already.But why did my results turn out so disgustingly.

Pple always say, you will reap what you had sow. is it always true. i doubt so. i mean, i really put in effort, even lost contacts with many friends because i'm totally busy with the hell of sch work and projects. always staying in the library, busy doing readup and all, but why still like tat. i also dunno why.it's just unexplanable to me at this moment.

i'm losing that confident i used to have, and most importantly, i'm losing the chance to excel.

it's not as if i didn't work hard at all, but it still turned out like tat.I'm not saying it's anyone fault, and even so,it's my own fault.maybe i should have tried harder when i tot i already tried my best.

Something happened at home, and something happened to myself, so i'm giving a miss to the sailing trip. I would not enjoy myself even if i go,and i'm feeling guilty if i go.so yup,i'm not gng this time. i must do better next sem and make up for my stupid mistake this time. I must also keep a clean bill of health so that i won't miss class and miss out important stuff. i hate myself. i hate myself. i hate myself.

I wanna go for Retail Therapy, anyone interested?

life is just so simple

Just that Simple Life...

finally, exam's over. holiday is here.

BUt it's just another lonely holiday without him by my side. it's god's will.We are seperated by land and water. only when i'm busy, he will be free, and vice versa.tell me what can i do.Not to go against god's will, but i just want back that kind of life, where i can enjoy myself with him. I just wanna spend time with him, after his busy schedule. Somehow, we always see the busy side of one another that we are starting to forget those enjoyable moment that we had together. haiz.

nothing much this hols, but i'm all ready for the coming sailing trip with my friends. i'm sure it's gonna be exciting, hope the sea will be just calm and smooth so that we don't get sea sick and start to pollute the sea. It's a trip out to South China sea. Gng to conquer a little isles at the heart of south china sea. Guess i'll just more picture to explain the beautiful paradise.

As for him, i hope he'll do well this sem, just like next sem. However, i hope he has less problems and a smoother journey this sem, and hopefully he come home soon.

tat's all folks. take care~

life is just so simple

i love you too... hope you are doing well over there.

happy holidays!

the 2006

finally a year had gone passed.
i had listed my new year resolution:
1) concentrate fully on my studies.
2) i hope to spend more time with my family
3) i wish everyone's health to be pink
4) i wish to discover my hidden self
5) i hope to maintain this long term relationship

anyway year 2005 had passed so excitingly, and i guess it's been the year that i had travelled the most.Let's recap.
the happiest moment i had in 2005: i guess it would be when i celebrated my birthday with him and of course the time we spent alone in brisbane.(an unforgettable memory that's still fresh in my mind)
the most reliving moment in 2005: that's definitely after i receive my A's result.then it's when i got into my dream course (Occupational Therapy)
the most self fulfiling moment in 2005: i successfully pursuaded my parents for their approval to let me travel on my own.
the saddest moment in 2005: the moment at the airport on the 12th of July. the very moment that he entered that departure gate.
the stupidest thing i did in 2005: there's too many to list. but i guess it would be to let him go that night.
the biggest achievement i had in 2005: i passed my sem1 fairly well and i would definitely wanna do better this sem.
the biggest dilemma in 2005: to further my studies in aust or locally. but i chose this place, coz this is where i grew up from. this is where my supports are. this is where i think i can study happily.
the last movie i watched in 2005: Harry Potter
the last of the last in 2005: the last MHMB band concert. I just miss that bunch of pple. i just miss the conductor. i just miss the smell of that room.i just miss everything that we did together.

tell me this coming year is going to be more ups and downs. prepare me for the worst to come. pray for everyone and me that we can have a happy ending.

It's all god's plan. I hope mine is a smooth journey with the minimal hurdles.
I had a hard time in 2005. i had a hard time trying my best to let it go. i had tried my best to stand by myself. i think i had did it!
Year 2006, way to go!

all i want for christmas is you..

i can feel it coming.that bad omen..

blogging on christmas night makes me feel all alone again.

although i spent a day with him, i don't feel his presence.

although i got to see him the whole day, i felt that i only see him for a few hours.

where had he gone..

shakespears once said, life is nothing but a dream, a play on the stage.

We are all actors of our life, we can be the director of our life too, issit it?

This is a christmas which i hope never comes, or should i say that i hope it'll be over in the next minute. It was a christmas that i nv looked forward too...

some one asked if the feeling had fade, i really dunno how to answer that question. i had been asking myself tat same qn, but i still can't find the answer...

Things just seem to be changing,for the better or for the worse...

i can't find myself..

i'm leaving a question mark here.. can someone fill it in for me.

i'm tired of my style of living, it's getting draggy and torturous.

Merry X'mas to all my friends, and i wish you all happy and merry always.