squashed up!

it's tiring.
too tired to describe how i'm feeling.
all I can say is

I need a BREAK, badly.

I want to do alot of things, I wanna commit myself in alot of things.

But i dont have the confident to commit myself. I dont think i can handle all of them.

Exams coming in a barely 2 weeks time, but havent really started revision. Alot of things on hand,

so much so I can't handle them. Hard to process them now. Am I too late to start? Oh..

Believe in the Power of Prayers?

My grandfather had a blessing in disguise.

He tripped over the garden hose while watering the plants in one evening.

Had abrasion on his forehead and suffered from a broken nose.

But he's all well now, although still slow and careful in his movement, havent touch the garden hose ever since.

And more than that, everyone in the family is showing concern to him, everyone is paying him visit more often. And I'm glad that the family is showing him the care and concern, at least I know they still care.

That was one of my prayer to god. Now, I pray god to answer the rest of my prayers. Am I too greedy on that, but i'll just wait.

Keep working till I drop.

Ask God

Thanks Susan for forwarding this pIcture to me.

Oh God, tell me why. Does troubles shadow me only?

"Ask and it will be given, Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened for you"- Matthew 7:7.

Pray hard for me.

How do you feel

How do you feel looking at his picture?

It was as if, it's cold, and lonely. There are 2 seats there. But no one on it. How lonely. Even the girl walking past it, don't bother to look at it. How lonely, oh, lonely.

Sometimes you just feel like, people rush pass you, not caring about you. You wanted some attention, but not getting any. Like those chairs, you hope that people will come sit on it, give you some warm.

Maybe that's how i feel now. I feel like the chairs. In the open winter grounds, lost, cold and lonely.

Life hasn't been better.

I just wonder, why is life so complicated. People in my life are funny people. I can't seem to understand how they think. Basically they dont think like me. When i said something, I do not have a double meaning to my words. But why do they often interpret it otherwise? I didn't even thought of that.

Yesterday, spent the whole day with my FYP(Final Year Project) Team, trying to come up with our research proposal. I like my topic, but it's rather a tough one.
And i got to celebrate Chelsea with her in GV Plaza, catching Ocean 13 at a low rate of only 5 Bucks. Chelsea said, my blood was worth it.
My blood cost more than $5 ok. haha.

Went to the dentist in the morning, did something to my tooth, and then felt unwell in noon, so i slept thru till the evening. Then i tried to do some work.

Maybe it's because i felt that i had wasted too much time sleeping that's why i'm feeling so lost and frantic.

It's right to say that I need more than 24 hours, but it's also right that Abi said, we only painted 12 hours on our clock and we already multiply it by 2. So i shall not be greedy and make full use of my 24 Hours.

I must accomplish what i set to do, and I must graduate to become a good therapist.

Put some sunlight out to melt those Ice pls.

H.E.C.T.I.C.

it's been a busy week. busy with what? I'm not sure either.

School, School, School. and more school.

School work has now officially occupied my sunday too. oh that sad.

Misses church service for the pass 3 weeks. I told them i was hiding in the cave. haha.

I had no time, seriously. Still trying to catch up with all the literature readings, more refining of the presentation slides and now, still brainstorming about the role play.

Afternoon had more discussion about my paediatrics module. We need to plan a treatment session for the kid, who is diagnosed as ADHD. it was exciting, just as we talk about it, we got confused then got clearer and then got confused again. haha.. but overall, everything went on well in today's discussion..

I can't wait for holiday on thursday. and yesterday was a waste.

Intention to visit the history museum with my family(including my grandfather), i thought bringing him back to living in the 70's would bring back lots of memory. But in the end we didn't make it to turn back time. But i bought my grandfather to explore a new dim sum restaurant in Marina Sq, food was just fair, and expensive. Then i bought him to Central @ clark quay to shop. haha...

Soaking him in the GSS atmosphere was kinda fun. Enjoying Ya kun toast with a cup of coffee.. Chit chating was fun too. I hope to have more of such outings with him. hope he enjoyed himself.

Talking about him, i hope my cousins and aunties would come to visit him more often. Since chinese new year, i had not most of my cousins coming to visit grandfather. And I wonder why. Are they really so busy that they can't even spare a sunday once a month to visit him.

He needs not only love from my family, but his other children too you know. Don't regret only when one is not around, cherish him while he's still by your side. I already learnt my lesson. I miss my grandma. I really wanna tell her alot. alot that is always stucked at the throat just because we are not the kinda family that will express our loves outwardly to one another.

I repented. That's why i made a promise to myself to spend more time with grandfather now.
What about the rest in the family.

Grandfather's health is deteriorating. I can finally see him growing old. I can feel it.
From him, I see how Occupational Therapy philosophy holds so true.
Only when you are doing an occupation, you are a being.
Due to his inactivity, he's growing old, more health issue surfacing.

I admire my grandfather, and i pray that my dad can grow old like my grandfather. Old but still strong. Independent in all ADLs, minimum assistance in community mobility. That's why i admire him.

Updates

It's coming to the end of the 8th week of school. June is here! that reminded me that 1/2 a year had slipped pass me.

Times flies, Kenrick will be coming back in mid-end July. That's fast. And he'll be a Degree holder by that time. And me, still a diploma student.

In the 8 weeks of school, life had been hectic, i should even be using the word "mad".
Life was totally chaotic. And Luck is definitely down on me since school started.
Prayers are not really working as well. Or maybe i should say, it only works 50% of the time.

Ever since FYP began, it was a chaotic life that I had. Staying back in school till 8 or 9 has become a norm for everyone.
Then everyone is rushing around for different meetings, and sometimes you think can i have 2 meetings at one time? sometimes i have to even lie that I'm on my way while I'm still in the midst of another meeting in one corner of the school.

My manager told my friend, if you can pass the course, you are up to face any crisis or challenges in life. Because our course is all encompassing. It drains you physically, mentally and even psychosocial. Let me explain.

First of all, you thought once you get out of school(at least after 18), no more NAPFA right. Oh gosh, we were told to take napfa this year so that we can graduate. Traumatised!!!
Then lecture is not the same like JC, you thought JC prepared you for tertiary right? Oh my tertiary was definitely different, my cohort only 34 of us. We don't see in auditoriums or lecture theater. We go into what we call Lecture Room, basically it's like a tutorial Classroom. Haha.. that's how well all lecturers know all the students and how the students knows all the lecturers too. So Lecturer is no longer like JC for me, where i can sit right at the end of the auditorium with the Swiss monks, and the BBall boys.. you can choose to pay attention, snack, or just turn off. Yes, we, at least me was prone of doing all these in JC.
But now, I think i'm even more hardworking, visiting the library more often than i visit the toilet(ok some exaggeration). I flip reference text more often than I flip the magazine. In class, you have to be wide awake, no slacking, no switching off, cos if you do, you'll be lost for the whole semester. Practical class is no more about pouring chemicals, calculating the no. of moles. Or connecting up the wires into parallel or series.
You get onto the cycle ergonometer, you do dips to measure your Volume of O2 consumption. You test your own body limits. (one tutorial still requires us to revisit our forces and torques though, and i thought i re-lived my JC days) and you do stretches, you do muscle facilitation, you do edema massage. Oh my god.tutor always speaks like a bullet train and with circular breathing, so your brain can't control your hands to take down all notes that she said so.. you see everyone walks out of the class like a zombie.
Lastly, the exciting thing is i was shortlisted for an overseas attachment. Although when i said out the country you all will think 'chey'. But to me, it's a life experience. Different in culture, different type of resources available. Different systems, different belief. I like the challenge. But still, i was just shortlisted, not confirm yet. Oh anyway it's a autism resource center in penang! dream of working with Kids again makes me smile. But I wish i can go for the nearer one instead of waiting till nxt Jan, cos i prefer the company of pple going this july!!!! Whatever it is, I'm still putting my faith in god, i'm praying hard that he'll listen to me and answer my prayers.

Why did i talk about psychosocial.. I guess the course and change the perception of self. Who I am, what I can do for the society.. I had changed me. Most importantly, it had taken up so much time of my present life that I'm missing church for 3 wks(totally guilty about that), changing dates with my friends so often that we dont have the chance to meet up even though i desperately wants to. And I who promised my previous clinical supervisor that i'll go back to the center when i'm free. but i haven't done so yet.

So many things to do, with so little time.
I can give myself a deficit now, I have problem with Time-management!

haha.. Ok back to my FYP stuff now. That's my life.