Life is so vulnerable...

Driving around Singapore like a mad dog..

i had never been so familiar with CTE... and today i used it 3 times. incredible.

Traveled down to the hospital, then back to sch. Back to Mhss to visit my teachers.. and then back to the AMK yuli's house then back to hospital again.

Wow.. busy schedule, and it's back to back somemore.

Why i say life is so vulnerable?

Cos we never know what will happen to us in the next moment. As i joy over my results of the practical exams, i wish i can share it with him (uncle and kenrick).But both are now ill.. I don't know if my results will make them feel better though.

I knew negative things will start coming out of his mouth, when he merely commented that mobility is the most important in my life.

But how can i just let that comment pass me by. I should have said something encouraging right.

Right after i left the room, i know he started sharing negative thoughts with aunt. So insensitively i walked back into the room awhile later, i noticed something wasn't right, but nothing came out of my mouth. I don't know what i could say too..

Because he hasn't been moving for almost 48hrs. his fingers are swelling abit. But thanks to the occupational therapist who prescribed the anti-embolism stocking to him, the legs were fine. Hence i started to message his hands and help him with abit of finger exercise to lessen the swell.

All i wanted to say is immobility is only temporary. He'll soon be out and walking. He even said to me, i'll jog with you and train you for your 10k marathon. Just wait and see.

Where had that spirit gone? where is it? let's find it back ok?

On the other side of my mind, i had to start reading up on my clinicals stuff.. Next monday, i will not be visiting uncle until i end work at 5.45pm. and then i'll go home and continue mugging. I can foresee my life to be like tat until his discharge.

Ok, we just learn different lessons everyday, be it new or relearn things we had once learnt, or even learning new things from what we had learnt. Lessons are never the same, and everyday we live differently. So treasure and cherish everyday and every love one around you.

God loves his children.

I just want to say,"Thank You God".

Today, uncle finally underwent a 10 hour op.I'm not kindding.. it was so long. And thank god, now he's fine. But i'm sure he's also in pain.

Early in the morning, i fetched aunt to the hospital.We were there by 6.45am. and by 7.30am uncle was sent into the operating theatre. I holded his hand tight just before he went him, and i said, i'll be waiting for you to come out ok?

Somehow, uncle is like someone important in my life now. Taking care for him for the past 5 months and accompanying him to follow-up appointment and all the search to the answer of his pain, we went thru alot together. Staying with him also made me realise that my family is regarding me as an grown up now, that they are trusting uncle into my hands. And i must say i really tried to take care of him.

After seeing him into the op theatre, i sent aunt home to rest and rush home to help my sister to bake cookie for our pri school teacher. I mean we actually still have common teachers together.

Then at around 1.40pm i rushed back to fetch aunt back to the hospital and we waited eagerly for uncle to come out. But by 3.50pm he was still not out yet. So i asked the nurse on duty at the op theatre, she told me they just started the op. i was like this is not possible.. ok luckily at 5pm, i asked another nurse and she checked and told me that they are closing up the wound now.

Then at 6.10pm, i asked the nurse again (now u can see how impatient i'm), and she used a really chim word which none of us could understand, but tat word just mean trying to wake the patient up before sending him out of the op theatre.

Okie, finally at around 6.30 i saw someone who looked, not looked like my uncle. His head was wrapped up with bandage, and all connected to monitor and tubing.. and was pushed to the ICU for observation.Hopefully he'll be out of ICU by tml (depends on the doctor). Anyway he's fine now.. and he was awake and i managed to talk to him. However, he was masked so he used his fingers and wrote on my palm.. And with the months of telepathy with each other, i'm actually able to deciphere what he wanted to tell me. Even i was amazed by that. Haha... where did that mo qi come from man. Anyway, aunt tried to talk to me at the same time, so i wasn't able to catch the last part..

The whole day, i prayed and i prayed.
As i wait outside the op theatre, i prayed harder and harder.
As i waited outside the ICU, i prayed more.. i prayed for everyone.
As i received his SMS that he was running a fever, i prayed again for everyone.

I guess today i lived by prayers. And thank you god. You answered my prayer.

Just last request, hope he will recover asap , i'm talking about uncle and my bf.

i need more rest. i need to start on my Neuro revision.
I need to set my heart for clinicals, and i hope i can do well this time.

Continue to live by prayer and talk quietly to god.

Life should be more beautiful than this.

At the end of Clark Quay Outing...

I was on my way home.This was taken at Little India Station. All by myself..There was not a single soul in the station, or the underpass.. Do you still there to walk there?

In the end i did, to make myself feel less scary... i ended up taking the souless underpass. what's ahead and what's behind me... Exactly nothing..

Haha...

It was an enjoyable trip all thanks to Chelsea, Crystal and YuLi.. We shall set our new destination soon. So we can go photography again..

 

Clarke Quay 6

 

Clarke Quay 5

 

Clarke Quay 4

 

Clarke Quay 3

 

Clarke Quary 2

 

Clarke Quay 1

Clarke Quay Photography

Finally Finally exam's over. And back on my photography trip around singapore again..

Today's spot...

Clarke Quay

i met up with 3 other friends, chelsea, crystal and yuli for a photography adventure around Clarke Quay. Met them at the station at 6. Was alittle late, coz i went to JB in the morning..

Anyway although i didn't take as many photos as the last trip to chinatown. I tot the photos came out really different from the last time..

I realised that it's much harder to take night shots then in the day.. and to get the really nice effect, i tried not to use the flash and tried some exposure and some focus at the centre spot.. and effect came out ok... i wanna explore more on manual function of the camera then just taking auto function shots.. coz it's so auto that the shots dont come out very nice.

Anyway, we chilled at the thai restaurant, food was gd.oh but this time we didn't take the food.. and i chewed on a carrot-looking chilli from the tom yam goong... Hot spicy hot.. can imagine see steam fuming from my nose and ears.. and bloodshot looking eyes.. haha..

Then we started walking to liang Court, visited the Meidi-ya supermarket (no longer Diamaru) and then i watched doramon with the little jap kids.. got caught red handed by chelsea. Haha..

Chilled again at Starbucks.. 4 shared a cup of Java Chip Frappucino, and we chatted.

Now Aussie trip is off, looking forward to backpacking in Vietnam. hope this trip would come true.. wait and see how. Still planning in progress, can't say much.

Really glad that the upcoming attachment i would be able to meet the oldies and the "experienced grown up kids".. Always my hope to get posted to tat area of practice, and my wish finally came true. Hope i get to learn alot this time, and hope i can make full use of my 4 wks.

Busy schedule this wk. need to revise on my neurophysiology too.. then look at the different approaches.. i have to start something and at least know something before i go out there...

now enjoy the photos.. i'll post more along the way..

Inspiring Talk... i'll never forget

Today, after paper, stay in school for a inspiring talk by the first visual impaired man in singapore who owns his own first guide-dog in singapore..

How cool was it?

Super duper cool. He even brought his doggy along, and my class took a class with her too.
He shared with us the troubled he had with the community about having a guide dog and moving around in the community. He told us all the trouble he went to get guide dog ilegalised in singapore and allowing the blind to own their guide-dog and allowing them in to shopping permises and everywhere and every corner of singapore.

He shared with us the trips he went overseas, and the different things he "see" thru all the travels he had overseas. And then he even shared with us how guide-dogs are shared and how he advocated for the Visually impaired. He was so independent and so unbelievably strong-minded and business-minded too.. haha.. and now he's importing all the assistive technology for the visally impaired. I admire his will power.. i think i can never beat that.

Then 2 seniors who went over to Japan for their 4wks of clinical attachment shared with us their clinical experience there and the culture shock they had. and the communication breakdown they had with the japanese supervisors and how they had to act out what they did to "talk" to the supervisors. Was a interesting and pretty humorus and relaxing presentation by them.

Overall, impressed and inspired by the talk tonight. And i'm so spurred on to do something for these pple..

Inspiration shall spur me On..

Oh i'll miss my basil in the hydroponics. Coz i can't possibly bring the whole hydro pond home.So they are staying in sch. and i guess i won't get to see them unless i go back to sch.

Qn now. Should i head straight back to my music tml? or should i give myself a well deserved break?

Ans: I still don't know.

NON-STOP!!!

Freedom?

Yeah.. freedom. for a wk? finally it's over, and a break i waited for so long. Plans? no plans...

What should i do tml.. should i go to piano straight and play my feelings and stress out?

Should i just sleep in the whole day. Funny feelings, mixed feelings. Not that i'm not happy that exams are over. But suddenly the intensity of living seems to be missing now.I sound sadistic, but really, i think you live life the fullest when you are studying and pursuing goals in your Life.

This one wk. i must play my hearts out and prepare myself for clinicals.

I got great realisation today..

Life is an never ending serial..

Everyday is like a epsiode continuing yesterday,

and every chapter of your life are like a different sequence of the long serial. Just like there is Superman, Superman2, superman return. And then later maybe superman return2.. who knows what's next.

Every different chapters there are different obstacles. Seems like everyday you meet into different crisis, all kinds of trails and temptations.. and then i wonder, is there a day when you can just sit yourself down and start reflecting..

Now that exams are over. I am reflecting on what i had done in this world for the past 20yrs. I am asking myself, had I made my life meaningful, and had i made an impact in others life? Have I made true friends, and have i done what i want to do?

At least for the past 1 month, i had really been trying my best to keep to my resolution. I tried to be a gd student and i tried to balance my life with work and relaxation. However, i won't say it was a gd balance after all, but not so bad.

One thing i really miss, the band. I haven't touch my instrument for 2 years. What had happened to the passion that i used to have over music. The bunch of music lovers whom i played music with, appreciate and even cry over the music.The pple that i played with and pple standing below giving us their ovation.. wow.. moments of performance clicks in my head.. moments of competition in VCH and virgin performance at the esplanade 3 yrs ago.. Oh man i totally miss the band, and also the band trips to aust.. although it was aust almost everytime.but i nv regreted going..

Reading blogs where they reported on attending the most recent SAV @ Esplanade, participating in the performance.. looking at all the pictures. i just hate myself not going.. oh how i miss the band and the company.. the music we make and everything.. and where was I when everyone was enjoying at Esplanade. I was mugging For BSM at crystal house. Not that the session wasn't useful at all.. but i just wish to have both the cake and eat it.

Then was Ritz @ National Day. Great memories, courtesy of Chermaine. I enjoyed practising nothing but BSM PRAC again,but interestingly in RITZ CARLTON, and then watching the fireworks in front of my eyes. I was at 31st storey lehz.. great view, great company, great time. No regrets..

And then after this, never ending of sleepless nights, mugging for papers. And all i had with me was Winnie the Pooh and coffee. And eventually i turned into the periodic caffeine Addict.haha.. now that it's over..

I'm trying to look ahead at what i got for the next 6 Wks.

Just last night, uncle seem to had insomnia, maybe he's getting nervous about his op next wk. He off the light, but later got up again, and was scribbling on SUDOKO... haha, maybe that's one of his coping skills for thought stopping. But i could feel that tension he had in him,but he didn't want me to sense it, so instead he showed more concern on me. Constantly checking on me, to make sure that i'm doing ok. Asking me not to sleep too late, and always ask me if the paper was ok. and told me not to be worried coz everything will be fine. I'll be accompanying him the whole of next wk. i promise. Next wk will be spent with him and aunt. going malaysia with them on monday. and then admit him on tuesday, op on wednesday and then hopefully everything will be going well on thursday.. and get him accompanied all the time coz i know one thing, he's scare of staying in the hospital alone. he hate that place.

And then after next wk, it's nothing but clinicals.. hope i can do better this time, coz i really like to get hand-ons, and do something meaningful and impactful. I would hope that everything goes well and i can practise in the arena that i'm interested in.. and hopefully not in community.. You know how i can't stand pple doing things slowly.. oh man, thoughts of it makes me shiver..

Then after 4 wks of clinicals, 2 more wks of hols. can i go brisbane again this time? erm, i'm really keen of going, just waiting for my 2 other friends to decide, if not, where can i go? somewhere cheap, who can recommend.. but ideally i still wish to go brisbane la.

After hols, i'm starting school again. oh, year 2 sem 2 here i come.. not like i can't wait, i just wish things will be better...

Haha.. all this thoughts can be overwhelming to me coz it's just scary to even think about them. That's why i'm shutting off. I wanna slp well tonight, i wanna turn off my brain and let it have a gd rest, it has been running non-stop and i think it really need a time out.

ok... hope i can catch up with peeps before they all get into their own busy schedules again.. pple pls meet up with me next wk ok..

Meanwhile, Take care.

When you gain something, you lose something

Today, i learnt how to spell "Death" and i lost the meaning of "Life"..

I just can't believe this actually happen..

Having spent don't know how many sleepless nights just to study for exams.

End up, it just doesn't worth all the time and effort your had put in.

It was the infamous killer paper.. i can't belive he actually did some stunt again.

Everything thing i could prepare based on his past yr paper.

0 repeated.. really i meant 0..

and then i had to dig deep into my head, but ended up i could only write like 3 points for a 12 marks question. Oh god. were you helping me?

Anyway i learnt a lesson, past yr papers are distraction. They don't always work as antedotes.. so you still have to depend on yourself..

Shocked when i glazed up and saw my friend's paper fully filled.but mine only half filled..

I was utterly muted.. then i ask her how was it she said dead too..

So wat's on her paper.. Rubbish.. Coz the whole class kinda picked question to study.. but all was wrong..

Maybe that's why we are not psychiatrist. coz we can't read others mind.

haha

ok last paper to go.. i going to gain more the next round and loss the minimal.

LET IT BE!

JUST walk behind me... look at my ASs...

2 more papers to Go. So far so gd.

Revising for Exams is So sucky.

End up you only get like 4 hours of sleep a Day.

How to survive?

Life can't be lower than this moment now.

So watch my Ass coz i'm going to move faster and prepare myself for the Last 2 Papers.

2 papers but 5 different subjects. Wow.. Siao liao.

COP 1A = Biomechanics + Intro to Mental Health

Behavioral Science 2A = Abnormal Psychology + Behavior Modification + Patient-Practitioner Relationship

Wow... Overwhelming man.. I just can't wait for thursday to be Over...

Waterfest in Singapore is coming, on the 2nd and 3rd sept, at kallang Basin..

Featuring Watersports, and free tryout of kayaking, sailing, waterbiking and wakeboarding too..
I'm interested to go down..

http://www.waterfestsingapore.com

Friends if you are interested to go, ask me along ok.. haha if not i'll ask you all along.

Ok, back to my lonely island.. 4 more days to gO..

 

wishing her all the best in her exams

She would be having her exams tomorrow. it has been a very tough sememster for her. Never ending reports to write and test along the way. i m sure she must have forgotten how much reports she had done this sememster. yet at the end of the day, there is no study week and even 2 prac test and 2 reports to hand in just before her exams start. there is so much things to memorise yet there is so little time. preparing for exmas is already so tough yet she do not have study week, making life even much harder. I know she had already put in re best effort, looking at her suffer makes me sad as well. i wish i can o more for her but there is really nothing i can do. only thing is worry for her and pray hard for her. i hope god will see how much effort she has put in and let her do well this sem. if her results are not good again, i hope she would tell herself she already put in her best effort. it would b again very sad to see her cry over her results.

these few days i have been feeling very down, i think the main reason is because she is feeling down as well due to her exams. only now that i realise how important she is to me. she used to cheer me up but when she is now on the opposite end having her exams, i just cannot cheer her on because i have my own worries as well. she has been a fantanstic gf, always there to for me whenever i need her and despite her own problems, will still try to smile infront of me. i know deep down she is very scared about her exams. i wish her all the best in her exams. hope we can see each other soon. loving her with my life...

more pictures from EKKA

EKKA... ken

This was my first time gng to EKKA...what does it stand for, i m not sure my self. but it is just a huge exhibition show. I went with all my house mates, had laska for lunch, specially prepared by ChinWen. It was nice. we set of with a very full tummy. It was quite fun but abit expensive i feel. 15bucks for the entry and plus transport we had to pay about 20 bucks. but it is ok, it was an experience. this is such a big show that there is a public holiday for it.

I thought it would be very interesting. intially, it was quite amazing to see horses, and other animals. but the smell was quite bad, after smelling all the animals, i felt giddy and the entire day was quite bad. there were alot of animals to see, like fish, dog, etc. after walking awhile, it was abit boring i feel. of cause there was also fun fair. the part i would prefer is buying of show bag. Show bag is something where they put alot of things into a plastic bag and sell it at a lower price. although it was abit cheaper, alot of stuff in teh bag was quite useless, therefore i did not buy anything excpt a soft toy for my gf. i would be keeping it for the next 4 months before i return to sinapore to give it to her. i hope she likes. as you can see, it is quite cute right. at night, we went to see motor show and fire wworks, that was nice. motorbikers were doing sunts and 4 racing cars were moving round at very fast speed with great precision to do sunts as well. it was amazing how they can drive that well. overall, it was a good experience but i guess it is just worth going once a year, quite tiring coz alot of walking. I just wish my gf would be there with me, it would definately be more enjoyable. miss her so much.. even while enjoying, i would still think of her, thats y i bought her that soft toy.

getting out of hand...

DISCIPLINE

IS ALL I NEED...

i wanna live by my bOoks, i wanna live without sleep. I wanna live like superman!

i'm shutting my doors, shutting all forms of communications.

i want to go to lonely island, with my books.

Life can't be more lonely and pathetic than studying for exams.

I like schooling, without exams. who doesn't.

I wanna be Minister of Education for Once..

I want to change the system and do away with Exams!

I want to make everyone who feels like me feel not pathetic again!!

haha...

it's just a dream. I live life with dreams and hopes, because

Someone told me, " dreams do come true, and miracles happen".

My next qn is, "When is my turn?"

Going back to my lonely island. Signing off for next 2 wks.

i hope someone will keep this blog going, unless he's going to be busy as well.

december rolling blade

Today she sms me telling me how she wish we can go rolling blading together during dec and how much we enjoy each others company. I would like to emphasis how true this is as everything that I did with her, I really enjoy it. Things like gng out for a short movie, plying wosi-basi in e arcade (so old still go arcade), gng out for lunch together. Every moment spend together is so nice and thinking of them is making me miss her so much. As she prepares for exams for the few weeks, I wish her all the best. I know it is tough and even if u study hard does not mean u will do well. This is uni life and I know exactly how it feels. Study hard does not mean one can do the paper when it is so different, during exam condition how to think? haiz…this is life, just get through it ok. I love her.